This choice item is hanging in my office. But I did not create it.

I do love it though.

With your host, Stupid Kevin.

Me: Would you like to hear the stupidest thing ever?
Innernets: YES.
Me: It is a cold, cold morning.
I: Yes. 16 degreez.
Me: So cold your hair freezes when you go outside.
I: Yep.
Me: So you think- I am going to heat up the car before my 2 mile drive to work. Right. It’s only 5 minutes, you think. Then in the 15 minutes it takes you to get out the door, the car runs out of gas. But- it is nice and toasty because the heater is now running on the battery.

What is the moral of this story?

Dear Downstairs Neighbor,

I have stood by you through the endless piano/cello duets, through the endless Bach and finger exercises after you broke up with your cello playing boyfriend, and through the frankly misanthropic attempts to play show tunes from memory at all hours of the day and night.

And yes, I am guilty of playing the show tunes you attempt to play from memory. And the Christmas carols. And Rocky Horror. So complaining about that is neither here nor there. But.

Playing the recorder at 12:20 AM?

You go too far, downstairs neighbor. Obviously, this means war.

Sincerely,

Kevin Inman
Upstairs Neighbor,
Concerned Citizen,
And Person of Discerning Muscial Taste

We made Christmas cookies tonight.

This composition is entitled Popeyed Bikini Woman Walks Dog in Sweater.

Dingbat: I don’t mean to be blasphemous or anything… but doesn’t it look like Christ is flipping us off?
Art History Teacher: My guess is that for Holbein… that was not an intended meaning.

CAN MY FRIEND WHO OWNS A TOYOTA ALSO PARTICIPATE?
Only if he or she rides in your Jeep 4×4! Jeep Jamborees are strictly for Jeep 4x4s. No exceptions.

Harsh, isn’t it?

Of course, who wants to go on group offroad outings with a bunch of nutty jeep owners anyway?

I was trying to get everyone to pose for a photo re: winter preparedness.

4 WD vehicle capable of surviving the Starbucks parking lot, dogs in coats, etc.

You can see how it went.

Starbucks Parking Lot: 0
Rock Crawling 4 Runner: 1

Did not bottom out!!! Ah, the possibilities. Now I can support coffee megacorporations every day!

Until you crank up the V-6 and zoom/rattle down the road with some Shakira.

Which I am going to go do now. For possibly the first time in recorded history I am excited to be helping someone move.

Because yesterday I bought this truck. Then I drove around all afternoon, loading everything in the truck from lumber to boxes of wine, to young prostitutes and hitchhiking nuns. There was plenty of space.

I’m a truck lover. I love loading things in the truck, flexing my brawny muscles, and then driving around. YeeHaw. I know, I know, get a hobby.

Now I am going to attempt the greatest feat known to man: I am going to drive out of the Starbucks parking lot in Blacksburg. Will the 32 inch wheels defeat the 45 degree angle between the parking lot and the road? Will the rock guard come into contact with the street?

Wait and see, Dear Reader. Wait and see.

Further updates on this gripping early Saturday morning experience as they become available.