Her: And then if you are one of 30 finalists selected, you will be asked to submit a multimedia piece on the theme of, “If you had an audience of millions, what would you say?”

(a moment passes during which I pet the cat)

Me: Hmmm. What would I say to an audience of millions?
Her: What wouldn’t you say to them?

Dog diarrhea in living room: 5 gallons
TV Medical Shows on Netflix DVD: 2 (Scrubs and Gray’s Anatomy)
TV Medical Shows on Netflix DVD that I actually like: 1 (Scrubs)
Presentations to finish by tomorrow: 1
Cars to have inspected: 1
Cars I would prefer to roll into the river rather than have inspected: 1
Reasons I do not roll car into river: 2
a. environmental impact
b. long walk home from river
Local bomb threats: 1
Difficulties encountered in attempting to sign up for fall classes: myriad

The time is 8:45 on Sunday morning. We are having the floors finished today. “Finished,” in this case, means, “completed,” rather than, “polyurethaned.” We have enjoyed three years of not having any floors in the closets or any shoe molding around most of the rooms of the house owing to my own home repairs laziness. The guy who is doing it is coming at 9 which necessitated my fleeing from the house into the barrens of a town where even the college library doesn’t open until noon on Sunday.

I am at Starbucks, the cockroach of civilization, because the local coffee place doesn’t open until 9. Stupid of them, I think. No wonder Starbucks has 13,000 locations and they only have one. They are inefficient.

Imagine my surprise when I discovered there is an NTC hotspot at this very same Starbucks. Well, technically it is for the 5 Guys next door. And I don’t take back anything I have said about NTC. They are the cockroach of internet service providers. But it is convenient anyway, considering that I am already paying them approximately $6,000 per year for slow, spotty ethernet service in the apartment, not to mention all the headaches they have caused and the years off my life.

Here is a picture of my breakfast. It is rife with irony. Note the stack of 5 books beside the preachy quote on the coffee cup.

That’s postmodernism for you.