Trying to leave the Black Hole Gravitational Vortex that is the house this AM I grabbed a box of vegetables from the freezer and threw it into my lunch bag. It turned out to be cheese-smothered broccoli, which I don’t like so probably bought by accident. The cheese to broccoli ratio was approximately 1:1. Gross. This is way too much cheese.

Conclusion: Cheesy broccoli does not go well with pizza.

We went to Voodoo Donut while we were in Portland. They had many unusual varieties. Here are the ones we tried, ranked in order of excitement.

1. Mango donut

Excitement type: Flavor explosion. This mango filling was incredible, like the ripest, sweetest mangoes you could ever imagine. It wasn’t a jelly- it had a firm texture.

2. Blood Filled Vampire Donut (I think it was called “Bag of Blood”)

Excitement type: Vampire-shaped. Stake through its heart made out of pretzel. Gaping mouth of agony and froot loop. Raspberry jelly blood filling.

3. Bacon Maple Donut

Excitement type: Bacon on a donut. Sounds kind of wrong but it wasn’t.

If you are going to put bacon on a donut, maple is a good flavor to go with it. I couldn’t help but wish it also had a bavarian or whipped cream filling.

4. Old-fashioned

not pictured

Excitement type: none. But it was excellent all the same.

These 4 donuts cost $13, by the way. Gourmet prices.

I like to take pictures of people who are moved by the spirit of public art projects, such as when my father joined the drama of this pioneer wagon statue last Christmas.

Here Mike becomes one with a Wavy Fence in Portland.

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2.

3.

See how his body hangs limp, rises, and falls. See how he emotes.

This is Art.

Julia brought me a Godzilla for my new office. Here he guards my Pop Tarts.

Swine Flu. It beckons.

Glitter does not photograph well. But thanks to Martha Stewart, it is available in lots of refined colors down at my local Wally World. Our culture owes her a lot.

My green chair finally collapsed.

The leg split into shapes that would be ideal for staking vampires, if it should come to that.

New drawing and/or D&D style role playing game board.

I’ve just called the Radford public library and had my late fees forgiven.

It’s National Library Week.

Doesn’t it feel good to be forgiven.

I posted some new art today.

These two men are roommates.

Here is Mike on Easter, feeding ducks:

Here is Sean on Easter, newly scarified:

Easter Egg Cat (filled with Starburst Jellybeans) ponders this.

After my interview yesterday I got a mango-banana Vivanno at Starbucks, which is like a smoothie. (Note: these things are gross.) Because of the name Vivanno, when I was ordering I accidentally pronounced banana “BAH-NAH-NAHHHH” like I was the Queen of England. Which made both me and the Barista laugh (titter stupidly). But her afternoon would get even more entertaining.

Owing to the impossible parking situation downtown, Mike and I carpooled downtown for happy hour/ art opening and I left the 4Runner at Starbucks. When I came back to get the car 2 hours later, someone had driven through the side of the building.

Here Mike recreates the crime:

Another thing that was funny about this is that they did not actually close the Starbucks. They left the door unlocked and people kept going in. Then the harassed Barista would put her hand over her cell phone mouthpiece and say breathlessly, “I’m sorry, we can’t make any drinks. Someone crashed their car through the wall.”

I parked at the gym today in a parking spot that overlooks a 20 foot vertical drop. I have a manual transmission so with my foot on the brake I engaged the parking brake but to my horror the truck kept rolling towards the edge of the cliff. I pulled hard on the parking brake lever while stomping the brake pedal but it did no good.

I was in the process of hurling my body out the driver door (while yelling “HOLY SHIT!” at the top of my voice) before the truck went off the cliff when I realized that both brakes were working perfectly- the car beside me was backing up.

During all of this the only conscious thought in my mind was “what a horrible place for both brake systems to simultaneously fail.”

But ultimately no harm was done and I shakily went in to run on the treadmill.

L.A. Traffic

I really thought traffic in D.C. was worse. California people talk about it MUCH MORE though.

I am insanely paranoid about traffic myself and I plan my entire life around avoiding rush hour. (Around here it is not such an issue.) So I can relate to their demented chatter.

Narrative Paintings

I think the current narrative paintings (paintings that tell a story) are just part of my normal cycle of change. I see them as a backlash to the work I was doing as a grad student. The current art buzzword for this is “reinventing myself” which I think is pretentious and annoying because my sense of self is stable and not bound up in my art. All it really means is that I get captivated by an idea for a while, and then I get bored with it and move on to something else.

As a grad student I was mostly concerned with developing better technique. I also wanted to avoid the smarmy metaphysics that plagues the school. You know what I mean: artist statments that claim you used blue because it was Tuesday and Tuesday reminds you of Marilyn Monroe and blue was her favorite color– but only for shoes.

The most practical approach to meet these goals was to paint objects- still lifes, human bodies, landscapes. I learned a lot doing it and my thesis project was a series of still lifes.

But right now I am tired of all of that and I crave to use my imagination. Thus: narrative paintings.

Quarantine

I saw this movie tonight on Netflix and I thought it was really good. It was scary and suspenseful, but even better, it was logical. And I thought the acting was convincing and avoided being melodramatic. The quarantine itself raises an interesting ethical dilemma: I was sympathetic to the characters trying to escape the disease but I did not want them to get out of the building to spread the illness. Then it would be just like 28 Days Later! Or the Decameron. Yuck.

Netflix

Netflix has really stepped up their customer service. For a long time, it took about 4 days for me to get a new movie but now that’s down to two and they finally enabled instant viewing for Macintosh. (Not my ancient Mac but that’s another story. 4 years and counting.) Today they randomly sent me an extra movie since one I had ordered might be delayed. Sweet!

Netflix Again

Evidence that our language is always changing: “I saw this movie tonight on Netflix.” That is not a normal sentence but I use it all the time.

Spanish Language News

I got tired of CNN.com’s banal reporting, cheesy writing, and whiny, patronizing obsession with the financial crisis. I hate all those articles that use the first person plural to either blame or exonerate the American people at whim. You know: “We” were doomed by evil, greedy executives or else “we” got ourselves into this mess by purchasing BMW’s with home equity loans on our foreclosed houses and ENOUGH! I can’t take it any more.

So I switched to the Spanish version of the BBC which is a completely different universe of reporting entirely. First, the articles are actually analytical. Second, I learn things I never thought about, such as how hot the Argentine president is. Third, I get to practice my Spanish. It is wonderful.

And that is all I have to say. The End.