I had a bottle of awful wine* and decided to make sangria.

Sangria Recipe — translated from the Spanish by a legitimate Spanish major:

Take 1 bottle of putrid red wine (chilled)
Juice of 1/2 orange
1/2 orange (cut into small pieces)
1 apple (cut into small pieces)
1 20 oz bottle of lemon-lime soda
Several shots orange liqueur (Triple Sec, Cointreau, or whatever)

Combine all ingredients in an attractive pitcher. Serve over ice with umbrella straws at a sunny sidewalk cafe. I mean, drink out of the skulls of your enemies.

*Trader Joe’s 2 Buck Chuck. Whoa! It is bad.