Reusable bag from independent bookstore? Check.
Organic, aphid-infested plants? Check.
Wooden spoon? Check.
Bottle of tonic water? Check.

After I planted the catnip seeds WEEKS HENCE*, I decided to turn the giant planter thing in front of the building into a BOWER OF EDENIC SPLENDOUR. So the other morning AS EOS DANCED THROUGH THE SKY KICKING UP HER FLAMING SKIRTS OF GOLD, when I ventured out to the local grocery store- which happens to be a natural foods store- I picked up these tragic rejects of plants for free. Well, basically for free. They either didn’t charge me for the plants or for the dry, hard, gluten-free muffin. No, I’m just kidding. I’m pretty sure the muffin had gluten.

Of course, living as we do in a tiny apartment, we do not have what you might term gardening tools. Thus the wooden spoon and bottle of tonic water, which I refilled with normal water after I rescued it from the recycling bin in order to SPRINKLE THE EARLY DEW upon my plant charges.

Also, do not despair regarding the aphid infestation. I, too, suffered the PERILS OF THE DAMNED when I saw the insects, but I had anticipated this. Organic bed plants are always infested, so I bought marigolds as well, which attract some kind of special fly that feasts on aphids, and they are already all gone.

* Please recall, Gentle Reader, that all caps should be read, not as shouting, but in an English Accent. CHEERIO.