I’m sure we’ve all heard about the art heist from the Paris Museum of Modern Art and a French cultural official who beseeched the thieves to return it, claiming nobody would buy it on the black market. “What would you do with $120 million in stolen art?” He asked (or something like that).

Here’s what I’d do with it.

The Braque and the Modigliani I’d put over the couch. But I really think the frames should be gold.

The Matisse I’d put on the wall in the “entry nook” and the Picasso over the piano.

A Leger was also stolen, but Leger is not my favorite, so I would take that one and sell it. Then I could afford to wear fur coats and ride around in a Bentley. Anyway, my point is a painting is something you put on the wall and enjoy, regardless of its value.

And FBI, Interpol, or whoever- please don’t send a SWAT team to my house, these pictures are totally faked in Photoshop. I did not steal the art!