Today was overcast and warm, a strange combination for southern California, where clouds typically bring frightening cold (60s). Fate and a desire for vintage cowboy boots brought us to Ocean Beach, full of antique stores and stoners, and where the palm lined streets run straight at the vast gray Pacific (usually blue).

There was a pear shaped 30something man outside Starbucks. He wore full hipster regalia including beard and eyeglasses, as well as shorts with socks. He was trying to pick up chicks with his cute dog.

And failing.

Lady: What a CUTE DOG! (squats to cuddle the slobbering hellbeast)
Man: Thanks! He has really bad gas though. It is eggs and hot dogs. Gives him gas. Hard boiled especially. When I want to piss my mom off I feed him hard boiled eggs and hot dogs.

At this point we passed out of earshot, but I think I had heard enough.

So, ladies, let’s recap what we have learned here.

1. This guy lives with his mom, with whom he has a relationship full of bizarre tensions. He deals with this situation in a disturbingly passive aggressive manner.
2. His superficially cute dog is actually disgusting, and so is he.
3. This guy has no game.