A couple days ago I bought 32 pounds of paint. Online from Dick Blick.

Maimeri Classico student grade oils, to be exact. I’ve never used this brand but the website claims it “spreads like butter.” Sounds good. And it’s cheap. Sounds good too.

I don’t have much experience with student grade paint. Like many art snobs, I’ve mostly used the expensive stuff. But this seems like a time to economize and avoid going broke. If possible. Since I’ve just switched to part-time at work. Etc, etc.

According to art teachers of ages past, I can expect my work to look cheap if I use cheap paint. I’m prepared for this. According to the same logic, I can also expect it to look Italian if I use Italian paint. Michelangelo was Italian, so I think we are coming out in the wash.

I would tend to measure paint in tubes, about 20, or dollars, about $300, but FedEx measures it in pounds.

32 pounds in weight, or 152.34 Pounds Sterling.

But I digress.

Following my own tradition of combining much-desired online purchases with holiday weekends, criminal impatience, and obsessive-compulsive FedEx tracking, I note that my paint is no longer in the Dick Blick shipping facility and is now in:

Paint Location X!!!

Moline, Illinois: 2:23 PM 9/1

And so begins the torturous journey of the paint across the great state of Illinois

Champaign, Illinois: 9:48 PM 9/1

And now the intrepid paint arrives on the east coast

Charlotte, North Carolina: 9:42 PM 9/5

And now the paint is tantalizingly nearby

Radford, Virginia: 6:07 AM 9/6

And now the begins the online madness of watching the paint be driven to the house when nobody is there, then to arrive at the FedEx facility to find the truck has just left

Radford, Virginia: 7:49 AM 9/6 On FedEx vehicle for delivery

Stay tuned for updates to this gripping story as they become available.