This week was a near-total fail on the Idol Bingo front. I really thought we would get a Bingo but we did not. There was not a single utterance of “Dawg!” from Randy- it must be the first time this has ever happened and it really felt like he did that on purpose just to thwart me- and it looked like Kara had spent the night somewhere other than a crack den or maybe someone finally told her about Clear-Eyez. Boo.

I was seriously impressed, however, by Ellen, who gave us not one but two resounding Creepy Lesbian Moments; first calling a young girl’s performance “horny” and then noting that the giant grinning blond guy was surrounded by “sexy young gals.” Just to be clear: I love lesbians. I love Ellen. This is not hate speak. It is love speak. I am speaking from a place of love. Kudos to her and also to Simon for wearing a nice sweater instead of those awful V-neck tees that make him look like he just wandered onto the stage unwashed after a six week bender at the beach on Spain’s Costa del Sol surrounded by huge beet-colored Germans.

Well, better luck next week. I can’t handle the pressure so I never tune in on Results Night. It makes me lose all control and I get completely shitfaced, shouting at the TV in an insane rage and I just can’t have that on a Wednesday.