Today was a momentous day in our lives since the washer- which has been broken SINCE TIME IMMEMORIAL (about 2 weeks) has been replaced.

When I trotted downstairs to the laundry room to discover this happy fact, I also discovered Laundry D-Bag Neighbor. This is a neighbor I only ever meet when he is monopolizing the laundry room amid a CHORUS OF LIES.

Sometimes I see him naked in his window as well. Not a pretty sight as he is large and lumpy in the manner of a saggy old couch whose cushions have settled into an odd and unpleasing new shape.

His CHORUS OF LIES is when he says- and he says this every time, “Oh, I’ll be done in a minute.” And I say, “Sweet!” I head back upstairs to get my laundry bag and soap and $20 million in quarters. Then I trudge back to the laundry room weighted down by all these items- down two flights of stairs, up the sidewalk, around the corner and up another sidewalk beneath drooping lime trees THE COLOR OF SADNESS. I arrive at the laundry room which is locked so I sort through my six pounds of keys, finally wrestle the door open and find he has put ANOTHER LOAD IN THE WASH and it will be THIRTY SIX MORE MINUTES and I shout and kick things- in fact this kicking might be what killed the old washer- and call curses down onto his head. Then I lug it all back up the stairs and accept that the house will smell like a locker room for AT LEAST ONE MORE DAY. THAT IS ALL.