1. Burger King chicken sandwiches. I like the fried one in the long bun. With no mayo. With fries. And ketchup. Yesssss. Yesssss.

One time on a plane I heard a guy answer his cell phone- I guess we were on the runway because you aren’t supposed to talk on your cell phone on a plane in flight- anyway his phone rang and he picked up saying “Hello my precioussssss,” and that’s more or less the way I feel about the BK Chicken sandwich combo meal. And that’s what I would say if someone were to stop by with one (no mayo) right now.

It is important to note that the BK combo meal numbering scheme varies according to country. So you cannot simply learn that in Italian Combo Meal Six is Combo Meal Sei and be safe from starvation throughout your travels. There are several other important considerations here, namely if you are sick in Italy the state health system will fund your hospital stay at no cost to you, so you may as well just go to the hospital rather than the BK, and second that being sick is the only reason to eat BK in Italy unless you are some kind of American-from-hell philistine sociopath.

You may also note that while it is possible to get milk with your combo meal in the US, in Canada, milk is not as heavily subsidized and costs almost three times as much as a BK soda. If the workers make the substitution, they will do so grudgingly.

It is also important to note that many transatlantic flights do not offer chocolate milk as a beverage. On these flights, wine is a good substitute as it is often free. Although the tickets on… say Lufthansa or Iberia are usually about 17 times as expensive as for example United, the wine is typically better and I think it all comes out in the wash.

2. Pizza. Especially Stuffed Crust pizza. I like it with either mushrooms and pepperoni or with mushrooms and bacon. I also like banana peppers on pizza, and also on subway subs. But I do not like to eat subway subs when I am sick, although there is a Blimpie in the gas station just up the street- it makes me feel sort of like I live in the Big City, that I can walk to a Blimpie from my house. But I have never really had a passion for Blimpie subs and I think in my current state I would be hit by a car trying to cross the highway on foot anyway.

3. Martinis. There are those who will say that alcohol does not help. But a dirty Tanqueray martini always makes me feel more favorably disposed towards the world.

4. Kalbi. MMMM. MMMM. MMMM. Korean spareribs. I first had these in Madrid at a place that had us grill them ourselves at the table. Hardly a day goes by that I don’t wish I had some Kalbi. Speaking of Madrid I think I’ll go put on some Shakira. OK that’s taken care of. Kalbi is one of the few words I can actually read in Korean. There’s a Korean restaurant in a little town a couple of miles from here. It says Kalbi on the sign. I went hiking there once. I wish I remember where that was.