meow,

we are two good cats but we are sad and confused because our person never stays home long enough to play with us anymore. we especially miss playing with the string on a wand. it’s no fun when it just lays there like a danish whore.

we’ve tried everything to get her attention: destroying the blinds piece by piece, shredding full trash bags, knocking things off tables and shelves, and peeing in her luggage. nothing works.

please help us…we are willing to share our greenie treats if you could talk some sense into the crazy lady.

purrs,
zoe & charlie

Dear zoe & charlie,

First of all, get over yourselves. You are only cats and I don’t normally even write back to cats except I’m sick and there’s only So Many Times you can watch Mean Girls in a given day and besides it’s high time your owner got a life and got laid. It’s also high time she got Oral Fixation Volume 2 and some BK and stopped by to watch Love Actually because Some People who live with me insist it’s a Christmas movie which doesn’t make any kind of sense but still they won’t watch it or even be quiet while I watch it and They are in the house. Also I’d like to see Freaky Friday because that was a good movie.

Sincerely,

Fran