Last night we went to see Sugarland, which was boss* because Jennifer Nettles is only my favorite singer since, like, forever, except of course for Shakira.

We had great seats, unexpectedly, since we thought we would be way in the back as usual, but instead we were like 10 feet from the stage among the very rich, and very excited, and very drunk (and also some elderly and dozing) set of fans.

And when I wasn’t being knocked in the head by the flailing arms of my enthusiastic seat neighbor, I broke it down. It was a grizzeat show.

Also, I would like to mention that I am impressed by the clothes that country stars get to wear. Particularly cowboy boots, the purchase of which I think will be my third and probably final** capitulation to Southwest Virginia culture.

Because after cowboy boots, what else is left? Cowboy boots are the final frontier, except for rhinestone belt buckles which I think even country stars do not wear off stage.

*this is a slang term I am popularizing via my groundbreaking blog
** 1st capitulation: listening to country music
2nd capitulation: purchase of climate killing 4WD vehicle and obsession therewith

I spend my entire life trying to write artist’s statements, which is absurd. I have to stop thinking about this before I lose my mind. I have therefore pared down my artist’s statement to the following:

There is already enough bad art in the world, and I do not plan to make any more of it.

Right now, I am not adding the following, which means that my value system is strong:

(Unless by doing so I can make a lot of money.)

I am not, nor have I ever been, what you might call “a morning person.” It is generally best to leave me alone until I am fully awake.

Apparently yesterday morning I participated in the following conversation which involved Yours Truly being awoken from a sound sleep at an ungodly hour.

Time: 6 AM
Location: Bedside
Her: I think I have broken the coffee pot.
Me: AAAAARRRRRRRR!!!!

It’s sad, really. Like an addiction.

This evening we will be speaking with Mr Inman, who braved freakish blizzard conditions all across the southern states to come down to the studio. We understand that he has been enjoying several fine examples of modern day American cultural achievement in the arenas of film and teenybopper literature. And now we will find out his precious opinions on these topics.

Mr Inman, how was The Black Book, Diary of a Teenage Stud Vol I Girls, Girls, Girls?

Katie, it was extremely readable. I think I have found a new love in Young Adult serial romance novels.

And what did you think of Eating Out?

Katie, I thought it was hugely enjoyable. Isn’t it interesting how fag hags in movies always look like Tori Spelling?

And what did you think of Snippet’s medication?

Well, Katie, I have to say I was surprised how readily she ate both kinds of it.

Mr Inman, we’d like to thank you for coming down to the studio today, what with all the inclement weather warnings causing school closures all across the region.

You’re welcome, Katie. Fortunately my 4WD Vehicle to Inches Snowfall ratio was 0:0.

That’s all we have time for, folks.

When I lived in Spain, I wrote a poem called “La vida en la flanera” or “Life in the Flan Pan.” I sumbitted it for a contest for Americans writing poetry in Spanish, and I didn’t win. The guy who did win wrote a poem called “La Bonita Espana” (Beautiful Spain) or something like that and though it was not avant garde in the least he won the sweatshirt.

The moral is obviously: people who wear sweatshirts write bad literature.

All of this is immaterial. In Spain, we ate flan from the grocery store. And that was fine. Because homemade flan tastes like bland, tough eggs, and is gross.

Nevertheless sometimes I attempt to make it, especially on Thursdays when we speak Spanish in the house.

I never know at what stage something is going to go wrong with the things I cook. Needless to say, flan has never gone right in my kitchen.

In this case, it is that instead of caramel, I succeeded in making hard candy, which in addition to being nearly impossible to remove from the pan, tasted burnt.

Student: The syllabus has this assignment due on a Monday, but class meets on Tuesday.
Philosophy Professor: All days are Mondays, except Friday.

Today I talked to the Helpful Secretary, who always has plenty of information about all topics. Here is what she had to say:

Helpful Secretary: Then you go to the left, to the left, to the right, to the right, and her office will be right there by the burgundy carpet.
Me: Ah.

My schedule for today is as follows:

10:00 AM: leave house
10:30 AM: 5 minute meeting re: independent study for photography
11 AM: 5 minute class re: painting
3:30 PM: 5 minute class re: aesthetics (whatever that may turn out to mean)
5:30 PM: 5 minute class re: modern art
6:05 PM: return to house

Oh, Tuesday.

Today I was discussing the American educational system with Someone Wise.

While it annoys me when people go on about how the American educational system is messed up, nevertheless they do have a point.

A transcript:

Me: It* reinforces my theory that the world is full of crazies.
Someone Wise: That’s hardly a theory. It’s completely true.
The world is overrun by 1) crazies; 2) stupid people; and 3) stupid crazies.
Me: (laughter)
SW: Sometimes laughter is the best way to deal with terror.

* educational system mishap

Last night we watched Like Water For Chocolate, which was insane and enjoyable. Magical realism, baby.

Her flatulence eventually killed her.

I have an overwhelming urge to drizzle very wet paint- well very thin paint- on burlap.

So I bought some burlap today. I had to exercise extreme self-restraint not to also purchase metallic gold paint at Lowes. I don’t want the burlap paintings to be quite that garish and déclassé.

That you really DO live in Southwest Virginia.

It might be the obsession with trucks. Or it might be the woman smoking at the gas station.

Do you ever feel like shouting, “Unsafe! UNSAFE!”

Cos I do.

Today I purchased art supplies for next semester, including, as you can see, 10 200 ml tubes of Titanium White.

You can never have too much Titanium White, is my motto.

Team Titanium lives on!

In addition to burning your field, you could either:

1. plant rye without clearing the dead corn
2. let cattle graze on the dead corn

So I’m expecting startling and great things from this field. Maybe a housing development?

Good deed for the day: none
Bad deed for the day: also none so I guess that evens out
Internships applied for: 1 (National Gallery of Art)
Internships not applied for: 1 (1 specifically, also surely thousands that I did not research. Metropolitan Museum of Art too complicated, too much stuff to send)
Thank you notes sent: 5
Thank you notes not sent: 5
Christmas cards still not sent: 5 (!)
Trucks too expensive to fix: 1 (probably)
Trucks too expensive to purchase: all other trucks (evidently but I do not allow myself to be deterred by economic realities)
Truck search: ongoing
Truck mourning: wretched
Weirdest truck fact: 4 runners are no longer made with stick shift (why? stupid lazy country should demand stick)
Obvious truck fact: 4 runners are most beautiful trucks
Another truck fact: Jeeps are cheaper but have been hit with the ugly stick in recent years and are therefore not buyable despite affordability
A third truck fact: Toyota Highlander gets excellent gas mileage but like jeeps is hideous… er this is actually the 4th truck fact